Of the seven deadly sins, Envy is probably the least fun. Anger, greed, lust, sloth, gluttony, and pride have all provided me with more than a few hours of enjoyment and glee. But Envy always makes me miserable. Along with iced tea, guilt, and fear, it wakes me in the middle of the night and keeps me from returning to sleep.
As a younger person, I envied the usual things–Kathy’s long blonde hair, Roger’s trip to Disneyland, Janie’s wardrobe and boyfriend, Anna’s big breasts…. I like to think I’ve evolved some because I no longer envy other peoples’ physical characteristics or their stuff (well, most of the time I don’t). I now want to be the person with the least stuff, with the least concern for my appearance and therefore the most holy. So I tend to envy the people who I perceive as more spiritually mature than I am. I want their lifestyle, their relationship with God, their joy, their silver-tongued prayers,….
But you know what? Envy is Envy. Obsessing over the spiritual stuff of others is not one bit more righteous than wanting their physical stuff. Wanting their journey with Jesus, no matter how admirable and holy it is, still leads me to misery. Instead of trying to figure out how God wants me live my Christian life using my unique gifts and person, I get all green because someone else seems so good or so together.
Gracious God, help me to rein in the Envy I project outward so I can look inward and discern the unique purpose you intend for my life and ministry.
“When I was beleaguered and bitter, totally consumed by envy, I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in your very presence. I’m still in your presence, but you’ve taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me.” Psalms 73:21-24 (MSG)
