November 20, 2009
Today, I am praying for the Diocese of Oregon and the candidates for bishop and their spouses. I wish I could say I was completely without nerves or fear, but I am not. So I am praying for trust, acceptance, surrender, purpose, joy, gratitude, ease…. In spite of the nerves and fear I do believe “that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NRSV) No matter what the results, we will be more than okay.
Drawing: Sybil MacBeth
I’m really preoccupied this week. My husband is one of three people being considered for a bishop in the Episcopal Church. I have met the other two candidates and their spouses. We spent 5 1/2 days together traveling around western Oregon in a bus. I really respect and love them. The twelve of us on the bus –the candidates, spouses, hospitality team, and the bus driver– logged in a lot of time and miles together. We sang, laughed, prayed, talked, and snoozed together on the bus. We stopped for ice cream, ate meals in a half-dozen churches, and met close to a thousand people. The candidates answered and asked questions in eighteen 45-minute sessions. It was an exhausting, but holy week. I believe all of the candidates are competent, prayerful people.
On Friday, the laity and clergy of the Diocese of Oregon will decide who their next bishop will be. Like the candidates and their spouses, they have spent months in prayer and discernment. When I tell people about this process many say, “If it’s God’s will, I hope Andy gets it.” But what does that mean Does God have a favorite picked out? And if so, will Oregon get it right?
One of the best discussions on the bus was about exactly that. What is God’s will and is there only one correct choice for Oregon? We tossed around the idea that God’s will might be much grander and more lavish than we assume. It might include multiple possibilities. One person suggested that God chooses to be surprised and says,”I wonder who they will elect?” When the decision is made, God says, “Cool! I can work with that.” God, with the assent of the chosen person, will use their particular gifts and personality to work for God’s kingdom.
But what if there is only one “God’s will” choice? What if we all get it wrong? I guess I so believe in a God of redemption that there isn’t anything God can’t use. Maybe even if these three candidates are all wrong, God will still say, “Cool, I can work with that.” My friend Susan says, “God is in the lemonade business.” We often make lemon-choices which God sweetens, refreshes, and returns to us as nourishment.
I don’t understand whether God’s will is narrow or grand. But I will still try to discern it in all things. And even if I don’t get it right, God will redeem me and my choices. I will continue to pray, “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done….” (Matthew 6:10, KJV)
When I sit to pray, it takes a lot of will and concentration for my toes to stop pointing, my fingers to stop wiggling, and my torso to stop wriggling. But why do I insist on a quiet body? Do I somehow think it’s more pious or holy to pray without moving?
It has taken years to give myself permission to rock or sway when I pray. It has taken even longer to allow myself to draw. But movement helps me to pay attention in prayer. It lets my body be a participant rather than an interloper. Drawing, swaying, rocking…all of these actions help carve out a physical space and place for my body to be in prayer. Then I get quiet on the inside and listen for the “still small voice” (1Kings 19:12 RSV) or sometimes “big, in-my-face” voice of God.
While drawing the doodle below, I had some sitting and talking time with Jesus.
Drawing: Sybil MacBeth
Impatience is one of my character defects. Meetings are a particular place where I am confronted with it. I like people to say things concisely and quickly. I’m from the ‘Spit It Out and Shut Up” school.
One of the meetings I attend has some strong suggestions:
1 No interrupting a speaker who has the floor–even if what I have to say is brilliant and crucial.
2 No crosstalk or advice-giving–even if I can fix the speaker’s life in three easy steps and in the next three minutes.
These are great rules for protecting the airtime and dignity of the speaker. They are designed particularly for people like me who want to help others finish their sentences and interject my latest wisdom. The other strong suggestion is: The speaker will limit their comments to 2 or 3 minutes. This suggestion/rule protects the listeners in the room and allows for participation by many people in the course of the meeting. I wish every organization I belonged to had these rules.
Last week my friend Sally and I attended this meeting. We know each other pretty well–so well that we sometimes finish each other’s sentences and give each other advice. But in this meeting we are forced to behave, to listen and to keep our mouths closed and our opinions between our ears. At the end of the meeting, we talked about the process. We talked about how freeing it was to just listen without coming up with the next comment or formulating a judgment. We learned so much from the two-to-three minute verbal bytes by many speakers.
There were however, a couple of speakers who talked much longer than their allotted time. I confessed to Sally my impatience and my desire for brevity and eloquence. With true generosity and compassion, Sally said, “You know, it takes some people longer than others to unspool their story.”
I like to think this is how God listens to my fumbling, ineloquent prayers and my long-drawn out sob stories and pity parties–with generosity and compassion. Some days my meetings with God are quick and efficient. On other days, I use more than my fair share of God’s time. It takes longer than usual for me to unspool my story. I trust God listens with patience and love.
Drawing: Sally Markell
Last week I drew a prayer by rubbing leaves and making a space for the names of people on my prayer list. This week I grabbed the last handful of leaves on our Japanese maple and traced around them. Artistic skill is not a necessity for a visual prayer practice!
So this is my leafy, intercessory prayer list. I’m praying for birthdays, healing, discernment, joy, work, freedom…. The drawing will sit on my desk and remind me to pray for each person.
Drawing/Tracing: Sybil MacBeth
Praying in Color: Drawing a New Path to God combines memoir with theology. Step-by step instructions introduce the practice of praying in color as a way to do intercessory prayer.
© 2009. The Reader's Digest Association, Inc.
