Don’t look now, but the world is being overrun by zombies. Again.
We’ve seen this sort of thing before. Ever since “Night of the Living Dead” was released in 1968, we’ve experienced periodic zombie infestations — though nothing resembling an actual zombie apocalypse as of yet — and we’re in the midst of one of the most serious. They’ve invaded modern publishing, classic literature, many of our streets and, with the release of “Zombieland” tomorrow, they’ll take over our theaters. Again.
It certainly stands to reason that zombies would’ve attracted a certain level of scholarly interest, as well. Italian physicist Davide Cassidy tells us that, if pursued by a zombie horde, your best bet is to seek sanctuary in a mall, rather than, say, a deserted farmhouse. Canadian researchers have learned that, if zombies were spawned by the typically depicted brain-eating infection, humanity as we know it would almost certainly cease to exist, no matter how slowly the zombies walk. There’s even a Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency – something I missed when checking out C-SPAN during the budget hearings. But the agency has a Web site, which means it must be legit, right?
But obviously, an onset of a zombie apocalypse would have some serious theological implications as well, and I wish some wise theologian would ponder them. But since no wise theologian would likely discuss such a scenario, I’ll ask you. Let me ask you a few quick questions: Remember, I’m just interested — there are no wrong answers … though some could potentially leave you more open to being perhaps a zombie appetizer.
1. If you saw a few zombies shambling down the street, would you …
a) Marvel at the wonder and diversity of God’s creation?
b) See the zombie as a sinner, as we all are, in need of love, support and perhaps aggressive counseling?
c) Assume that zombies are inherently evil and thwack them with a baseball bat?
2. Would the existence of zombies suggest that …
a) We’re officially in the end times, when we’re told the dead will rise again?
b) The afterlife is far more complex than we imagined?
c) We best stock up on shotgun shells and gas for the chainsaw?
3. The moment you see your first zombie, what would be your first thought?
a) “I can’t wait to hear Richard Dawkins try to explain that.”
b) “Oh, I hope it’s not somebody I know …”
c) “Man, I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning.”
4. If a zombie asked to attend church with you, would you …
a) Gladly agree, encouraged by the zombie’s interest in faith?
b) Agree — but perhaps call ahead so that one of the cry rooms might be reserved for the zombie, thus avoiding any embarrasing urges the zombie might have to snack during the sermon?
c) Suggest he just stay home and watch cable?
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